Christian sat in the woods waiting for his rescuers to come. He didn’t know how he had wandered away so far and now he was lost. He knew his mother would find him. She always found him. He knew that. He had stormed out of the house in confused anger and now he was in the middle of the woods freezing to death all because he had allowed his anger to get the best of him.

Darkness was falling over the forest as night slowly crept in. Christian’s stomach rumbled and his legs ached from walking so far. He longed to be able to sit and rest wrapped beneath a warm blanket but that would involve going home. He didn’t think he was quite ready for that yet. There were so many more things he still needed to sort out.

He was also tired of being angry but he doesn’t know how else to deal with it. His dad walked out on them. He left; just like that. With no word to either of them that he was leaving. He had blamed his mother for being mean to him all the time. They were always fighting. He knew deep down it wasn’t her fault. He had no one else to blame; it was easier to take it out on her since she was the one who stayed.

His mother now had to work two jobs to make up for the lost income his dad used to bring in. Somehow she still always made time for him knowing how hard this was on him. This will be the first Christmas they ever had without his dad. It would just be his mom and him his Christmas. This wasn’t right. Christmas was supposed to be about the family being together. Now everything is broken. His family is broken. They’ll probably get divorced now if she can find him. This made him sad. He sat down on the flat rock that his mom lovingly called the sofa because that’s what it looked like. He sat and wept. He wept so miserably that his 10-year old body racked back and forth in spasms. He laid down on the cold sofa in a fetal position still crying. The chill instantly turning his tears icy as they streaked down his cheeks. The cold air took its toll on the little boy lying down on the cold flat rock. Christian was soon fast asleep ignorant of the frost bite that was about to take his life if his mother didn’t find him soon.

A loud beat woke Christian from his slumber. It sounded like a marching band was approaching. He rubbed his eyes because he couldn’t believe what he was seeing. A band of nutcrackers were marching directly towards him playing Deck the Halls. They seemed unaware of his presence. They surrounded the sofa and separated into two groups. One group continued playing their musical instruments. The second group climbed over each other’s shoulders forming a giant ladder. They began decorating a nearby pine tree that he hadn’t noticed before. They strung multicolored lights on the gigantic tree. Then they hung miniature versions of themselves all over the tree. The first set of nutcrackers had changed to varying Christmas Carols while the others decorated. They worked mechanically as if someone had programmed them to do these things.

Once this task was finished, the decorating nutcrackers got down off their makeshift ladder and came over in front of the sofa. They then produced wood from inside their coats and started building a fire. One of the nutcrackers produced a table from inside his coat while another produced the most delicious smelling Christmas feast he had ever seen. They continued to set the table for two. They laid out a seitan roast with stuffing, cranberry sauce, candied sweet potatoes and mashed potatoes with gravy. This was his favorite dinner. Maybe he had died and gone to heaven.

A man quietly approached the table and sat down next to Christian. When Christian recognized him, he leapt from the sofa into the man’s arms. “Dad!” he cried out.

“Hello son” his dad replied. “I was allowed to visit you this one time. I think it was your Christmas Wish, was it not?” His dad smiled but it was a tired, sad smile. His hair was longer than it usually was and he was unshaven with dark circles under his eyes. His clothes were rumpled, like he’s been sleeping in them. He didn’t smell right either; not his usual cologne.

“Why did you leave us?” Christian asked, choking back his tears and smothering the anger that was brewing within him.

“I didn’t mean to hurt you and your mom. I couldn’t face either of you from the shame I would’ve brought if you knew what I had done.”

“What did you do?”

“I gave up. I gave up on myself and I gave up on you and your mom. I took my own life.”

“Dad, what do you mean you took your life? Are you dead?”

“Yeah. Your mom and I have not been getting along because of my depression. You know that I’m chemically depressed. I stopped taking the medication because it became too expensive to buy. Then that day when I took my life I was fired yet again from my job. This was the fifth job this year. That’s why I left you. I couldn’t face you and your mom and say that I failed again. I let you down. I’m so sorry. They let me come back to say goodbye to you and to give you this.”

He brought out a package the size of a shoebox from inside his coat. Christian took the box and opened it. It was a beautiful blue and gold nutcracker. It was holding a baton in one hand and a miniature version of itself on the other.

“This is a special nutcracker. It’s not like the ones I make for you every Christmas. Take good care of it and it will bring you the Christmas you’ve always wanted.” With that he disappeared.

Christian blinked his eyes open to make sure his eyes were not deceiving him again. When he opened them, he saw that he was in a hospital. His mother was standing over his bed, her eyes red from crying.

“You’re awake. I’ve been so worried.” She said, choking the words out between sobs.

“I’m sorry, Mom. I didn’t mean to worry you. And I’m sorry for all the bad things I said to you.” Guilt taking over his confusion.

His mother put her finger to his lips and said. “Shhh. There’s no need to apologize. I’m just glad you’re OK. The doctors said you should be good to go home as soon as you wake up. I made your favorite dinner for Christmas.”

Christian and his mom had a quiet Christmas dinner at home together. He didn’t know how to ask her about his dream while he was lost in the wood so he just didn’t say anything. His mother thought he was still angry and scared and didn’t make him talk about it. Her meager Christmas presents awaited him in the morning and maybe they’ll start talking then. Right now they were both very tired…she from worry and he from his ordeal.

The following morning, Christian awoke first wearing his new flannel pajamas his mother laid out for him. She made a tradition to sew a brand new pair of Christmas pajamas for each of them to wear on Christmas morning. Out of habit he jumped out of bed and ran to the tree to see what Santa had brought him. There are several packages all wrapped in the same paper with his name on it that said they were from Santa. There was one present the size of a shoebox wrapped in a blue and gold shiny paper. He knew this was the real one from Santa. He rushed to open it knowing what was already inside. It was his father’s nutcracker.

Once he opened the box, the nutcracker’s baton started waving and the miniature nutcracker began to grow and took on the likeness of his dad’s younger image. His dad looked like Christian only a little older, like an older brother. He wore his blue and gold plaid flannel shirt which opened to show a dark blue turtle neck. His blond hair was cut short just like the way he liked to wear it. His hazel eyes smiled at Christian then he opened his arms for a Christmas embrace. Christian rushed to his father’s arms only to find that it is just an image after all, a hologram. But it was a happy image of his father’s younger self, not the tired, haggard version he spoke to in the woods.

Christmas music began playing from outside the house and the nutcracker marching band he saw in his dream approached his front door. He smiled and he was suddenly overwhelmed with the love his parents had for him although they showed them in their own very different ways. He knelt before the Christmas tree and thanked Santa for his special blessings while the nutcrackers played their Christmas carols and decked the halls of his house.